


You will not believe what this librarian found in the NY public library!

by Thestarswillburn



Series: NY man "yeets" death, goes on and marries Japanese beauty. [2]
Category: Banana Fish (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death, Character Study, Friendship/Love, Hospitalization, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, One-Sided Attraction, Past Child Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-02-26
Updated: 2019-02-26
Packaged: 2019-11-06 01:24:05
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17930111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Thestarswillburn/pseuds/Thestarswillburn
Summary: This librarian decides to check on the blonde with the face of an angel sleeping in the library chair, cause she takes her job very seriously, and you can't just sleep in a library!You won't believe what happened next!





	You will not believe what this librarian found in the NY public library!

**Author's Note:**

> So y'all remember the thing I said I might write to make this a happy ending, well I'm not sure this is it...  
> Previously tittled :"I'm fixing banana fish" but am I really tho???? I sure hope so.

 

 It was an amalgam of cacophony, over the distant sound of sirens, quiet and not so quiet murmuring between the patrons who were now witnessing, something that would certainly follow them for some time, the shouts of altruism and it all had began with the petite librarian's scream.

 It was hard to focus. He could make out some sounds, colors, light behind his closed eyelids. It didn't hurt, why was everyone rushing? "Pressure.. Low" "card...arrest" was he being arrested again? But he hadn't done anything, had he? It's fuzzy, he might've, who knew. He is too tired to humor the idea.

 Why can't he just rest. Just a few more minutes. He closes his eyes for a minute, just a few seconds of blissful oblivion, and all hell breaks loose.

 He can still recall with great clarity the piercing scream that followed the soft pressure to his shoulder. It was so loud, and yet he couldn't bring himself to get up, just a few more minutes wouldn't hurt anyone. But things seemed to keep escalating, more and more noise, and bright light right in his eyes, and people touching him.

 Why can't people just stop touching him already? Why is it so hard to just let him be? Let him rest, just five minutes, anything, just a little bit. Always pestering and bothering, and he never gets a break, not like he deserves it though. He is the monster they turned him into but still he also choose this for himself. But just for once, just for a little, he'd like to pretend. Sometime, a distant memory he can't access, but it feels fond, happy even.

 Someone is moving him, he can feel as much. He isn't sure how or where or why, but as long as he can sense the now crumpled paper between his fingers, everything is well. Why is it so important thought? It means something doesn't it? What though, what does it say? He can't remember, for once his mind seems to have abandoned him. He can't think, he is so so very tired.

They just won't let him rest, they just keep moving him and the light is bothering his eyes and there is a cacophonous ringing in his ears and he feels, no he is certain his head is gonna split.

 "Losing him" he isn't going anywhere though? "CPR... pulse...defibrillator" huh that's a big word, it sounds funny.

 He doesn't want to listen anymore. It's not like he understands anything after all. Just sound that hurt his ears and words his mind fails to make sense of, they should let him sleep it off. It's probably cause he's sleep deprived, like when Eiji made him avocado shrimp salad for breakfast...

 What is Eiji?

 No not a what...something...something important. It feels warm and nice and soft and safe. He feels safe. He isn't safe, he's never been safe. But still...why?.

 "Blood...too much...won't.." Huh, of course there's blood, people are full of it, that's silly. Is he hurt somewhere? Is the blood outside of his body? Is it his? That's no good. The blood is supposed to be on the inside, Eiji will be worried if he's hurt. Huh...that's weird.

 Breathing is hard. There's something lodged inside his throat, he can feel it, he has to take it out. He can't breath. His eyelids don't open, he can't move, his own body is betraying him, it refuses to listen to him.

 It's not fair. Nothing has ever been fair, but even when he wasn't in control, even when he had no choice, he wasn't a person, his body has always been his, always listened to him. This betrayal probably hurts more than everything before it. Probably just about time, right? Should've prepared for it, made sure it couldn't hurt as much. Why would he leave his guard down like this?h

 The letter. Is it still there? He can't feel it in his hand, he can't feel his hand. He can't lose it, nonononono, it's important. It's too important, it means too much, if Eiji feels this way it can't-...it can't, what did it say? What is written on this little slip of paper that is so important, his chest constricts at the though of losing it. Who is Eiji? What is going on?

 Something inside him hurt and he can't understand why. Is this were he's hurt? He has to be hurt, that's what this fuss is all about, right? It's crushing his chest, and his lungs and he feels empty. It's loss. The feeling, the hurt. He doesn't understand how he knows, but it's clear to him. Is it for the letter? Maybe it's connected, somehow, but it's far to painful to be that. Maybe it would be better if it just stopped. If he stopped.

 He is tired, and hurt and has had enough. Everything is confusing, his mind isn't working properly, and the fact that he can tell it isn't, well, it's not helping. His eyes are already closed, the void inside of him has grown, if he'll only let go it can all be over, he can leave everything behind. It won't be his problem anymore, none of it, not the pain, the hurt, the fighting the noise the light the letter all of it. And yet, he can't. There's something preventing him from letting go, and he can almost feel clumsy hands, and taste horrible Japanese food, and it feels nice, it feels like home.

 As if he'd ever had such a privilege, as if he ever knew what a home is. Yet he knows, he knows it, deep down, that if he were to be there, have this, maybe he could let go with no regrets.

 Why is he here? Where is here? The ringing in his ears is still present, maybe if he's lucky his eardrums will burst and it will stop, at least the light feels dimer behind his eyelids, more tolerable, they still refuse to obey him though. He can still feel whatever was lodged down his throat, it's in his mouth too, it's annoying but at least he can breath. He has to focus, where, when why.

 Start in the now. More crucial, present threats. There's something in his throat, yet he can breath, he is starting to realize pain, but also a steadily rising feeling of numbness, drugs? Painkillers, he isn't alone, there's artificial light and if he tries to focus over the heavy ringing in his ears he can make out a faint beeping. Movement.

 They aren't hurting him, or talking to him, from what he can hear that is, which at the moment isn't very reliable, but still. If they wanted him dead he wouldn't be thinking this now would he, and if they wanted to hurt him they wouldn't be numbing him. Why? Why take him, move him, a vehicle, the movement, he's in a car.

 He's in an ambulance.  
  
 Why?

 The before. Remember. Who is he? He is in an ambulance, he is alive, for now at least, bit who is he? Eiji? No that's not him Ash what are you even- wait. Ash, he is Ash Lynx.

 He is Ash Lynx. He is a new York gang leader. No. He's not really from NY, just a country pumpkin, a naive kid, he's 17.

 He was raped when he was 7 years old, and then it happened again, and again and again and he wasn't him anymore. He wasn't naive, he wasn't a kid. A puppet, manipulated, used for someone else's entertainment. They took everything.

 They took himself away from him, the little kid who liked baseball and junk food and was terrified of pumpkins that ended up becoming nothing more but a façade, hiding the ruthless murderer who won't look twice before pulling the trigger. They took his brother. His brother who'd show him how to throw and hit the ball, who'd pretend to drop it every time so Ash could run the entire way to the home base. Who enlisted in the military so that maybe if they had financial stability Ash could afford to have an actual Christmas present, who never came back.

 They took his friends. Thinking back to it, he should've never allowed himself the privilege, look how that worked out. Skip bled out, he was just a kid and he got shot and bled out in front of him, all because Ash cared for him, because he wasn't strong enough to protect him. And Shorter...

 Shorter...he killed him. He shot his best friend, his very first friend, point blank through his heart, because he didn't want him ending up like Griffin. Because they took his best friend and injected him with that cursed drug that started and ended all of this. That cost him everything. Because he didn't want his friend to lose himself, he deserved as much, he deserved to die as himself. And he knew that Shorter would never rest if he'd ended up hurting Eiji, he cared about him too, especially after his betrayal. Ash forgave him, he hoped he could return him the favor. 

 Eiji. Eiji got hurt because of him and he pleaded with God for the first time in a long long time. Eiji got hurt because Ash was selfish and couldn't let go. He should've never dragged him into any of this, should've never let himself get involved, never let himself hope this pointless delusion could actually work out. This was all happening cause he was going to break his promise again.  
 

 It has to be divine punishment. Eiji didn't deserve this. It's his own hubris that landed him bleeding out in the library, cause how dare someone like him even humor the idea of being with someone like Eiji. How dare he try against the odds to follow someone that has been out if his reach ever since the first time they met.

 Eiji seemed as if he were flying, jumping over that wall, when Ash's wings had been broken beyond repair, nailed on a portrait as decoration and yet he dared to hope he could follow. How dare he.

 So that's what this is. More borrowed time, for the boy who survived this far despite everyone denying him. They don't understand though, it's better this way. Better if he let's go and fades away, quietly, unnoticed, disappears.  
 

 It's funny how for once he was convinced everything had worked out, was convinced there was no threat. It's funny that for all the years he's been paranoid, the moment he tasted relief, is the moment he'll die.

 He'd laugh if breathing didn't hurt so much, and there wasn't that tube stuck down his throat and if he could actually control his body at all.

 Everything was still so loud and annoying. If he had to suffer any more of this he'd rather die. What was the point in trying to save him either way? Why bother, he had nothing, nothing he deserved. Besides the world wouldn't blink twice if he disappeared. Why was he bothering with this? Contemplating, and rethinking his past again and again. Even if there was some alternative route there's nothing to be done now. 

 God is he tired. How can you feel this tired when your eyes are already closed? If only Eiji was still here, he'd feel calmer, he'd be able to let go if Eiji was just— What the hell is he thinking? Eiji is safe on a plane to Japan, far away form Ash and his ruined mess of a life, that should be more than enough for him...Eiji is safe. He doesn't need to try so hard anymore. Eiji isn't in danger, now that he's far away from Ash he won't ever have to worry about this mess ever again. Eiji is alive. Eiji will be happy, that's a relief. Ash won't have to worry about anymore broken promises. He let himself fall into oblivion. He let himself rest.

**Author's Note:**

> Things will be more positive in chapter 2 I swear! Ash is going to the hospital and certain people will be informed! So stay tuned for whenever that update drops.


End file.
